Message from Ian.

Sally was unable to continue her Blog. She went into Farleigh Hospice for assessment and was fitted up with a syringe driver for constant pain relief then came home to spend her last days where she wanted to be - at home.

Sally died in the early hours of 6 June 2015 without pain and at peace.
Funeral 1 July 2015 2.30 pm at St Bartholomew's Church, Church Road, Wickham Bishops, Essex, CM8 3LA

The garden

Here are the photos of the garden.

The first one is of the vegetable plot.  Derek has dug all the beds and has dug compost in.  Sue and Peter from next door have cut the grass around the vegetable plots and around the greenhouse.  There is some chard and also the strawberry plants on the right are flowering.  How neat and tidy is this now.  In the background are two compost heaps - the right hand one is like a skyscraper!

This is the fish pond.  It was just full of weed and hardly any room for the fish.  Derek and Peter have cleared it and it looks great.  

Photo below is just behind the fish pond and was an ocean of weeds.  Derek removed the sweetpea canes, and then all the weeds - it took him all morning.  As you can see we have some rhubard.  The raspberry canes on the right will also need to be sorted out at some time.

This is of one of some clematis clambering up the fence.

Thank you to everyone who has helped to make this garden lovely again. 

Hurray for Farliegh Hospice

Had a visit from the Specialist Care Nurse from Farliegh Hospice yesterday.  She was very kind and very helpful.  I think we have sorted out my worst problem which is not being able to go for a poo.  Sorry to be basic - but this is very important when its not going right!  One of the laxatives I am taking is Lactolose.  The doctor at Farleigh said that this has the effect of pushing the poo through.  So every time I take it, it is pushing and pushing and that is what is causing the horrible pain.  So we are going to up the other laxative which is more gentle and more of a softener.  I don't know if it was just having had that conversation with her, but yesterday evening I felt fine - no pain.  I sat still on the sofa unable to believe my luck.  And this morning all it still OK.

She is also arranging for a doctor from my GP surgery to come and see me today.  She said it would be good for them to examine my tummy with stethescope to hear if the bowel is working and just to confirm that we don't have a case of total blockage.  If that was the case, then I would have to go straight to A&E.

The Farliegh Hspice is so wonderful.  I can't believe the good work that it does for its patients.  My heart is full of praise for them.  The nurse said if things get bad then I can come in for a few days for them to look after me - if need be.  It is also reassuring to be able to phone the SCN at any time, or even phone the Helpline with any questions I might have.  A Big, big thank you to Farleigh for all that they do.

So yesterday was a restful day.  Our lovely neighbours came and did some work in our garden which is now looking wonderful.  The grass has been cut and all the edges have been trimmed.  All looks lovely in the morning sunshine.

I have taken some photos of the garden but they are not coming off my phone.  So will post them in tomorrow.

Random thoughts on a Tuesday morning

I am sitting downstairs in the sitting room.  It is nearly 8am and a lovely sunny morning outside.  I have hung out some washing on the line and fed the birds.  I am now updating my Kindle.  In the past I have always used the Wickham Bishops library for books but now it is too much to go up there, so the Kindle is best.  

Last night we watched the Chelsea Flower Show in the television - it was so beautiful.  They really have improved on it.  The flowers were absolutely wonderful.  I enjoyed it so much.

Not feeling so wonderful this morning so it is quite nice to just sit here quietly reading, or writing things.  We have had good news from Jenny - Ian's daughter who lives in Germany.  She and Daniel got married at the registry office yesterday - so they have tied the knot legally.  The wedding will be at the end of October.  It is so good that she is now settled with job and husband and flat - all going well.  I am very pleased for them.

A decision on Chemo

Well I have come to a decision on having chemo.  I think it is too much for my body to cope with.  I am having enough trouble without the added troubles of chemotherapy.  Having had the intravenous chemo on Friday I now am supposed to be on a course of chomo pills for nine days.  So I started the pills on Friday night and continued with them on Saturday morning and Saturday evening and I felt absolutely awful.  It was almost like my body was beginning to shut down.  I could hardly walk.  Jessie and Charlotte came round on Saturday and even then I could not rally but just sat there feeling awful.  I suppose I didn't realise what was happening to me.  In the evening Ian said it was probably the chemo.

So no more chemo.  It was offered to me by the oncologist as something that "might make me feel better" and defininately not as as possible cure, so I don't feel like I am turning down a good thing.  It is now Monday morning, and I am actually starting to feel a bit better.  The pins and needles in my arm where the canula went in have nearly gone now.  Yesterday (Sunday) I spent most of the day asleep.  The other benefits of not being on chemo is that I don't have to stick to warm/hot food and drink which will be good.

So I am hoping I am going to feel a bit better today.  At least I have got some energy to write a bit of this blog.

First chemo session

Yesterday I went Broomfield for my first session of chemo.  I was not particularly looking forward to it but when I got there I felt OK.  It is a great unit.  Everyone is very welcoming.  There is a nice lady who makes cups of tea and coffee presented on a little tray with a biscuit, the radio station is playing music in the background.  After a quick visit to the doctor we went through to a large room with comfortable green chairs and pillows, a little table for your bits and bobs and another chair for whoever is staying with you.  You are assigned a nurse who looks after you throughout the sesssion.  My nurse was Minnie and she came from Thailand and she was very sweet.  First thing she did was take blood to check I was OK to go ahead with the chemo.  The results came back within the hour and all OK.  The prescription for my chemo is then requested at pharmacy, made up and brought to the unit.  Soom I was hitched up with the canula.  

Ian stayed for a while and then after a bit went back home as Derek and Sharon were in the garden today working.  Anna popped in at about lunch time and we chatted.  She had just been to Theresa the dressmaker with Charlotte and Emily to see about getting the bridesmaids dresses.  She said she felt shattered because Zaffy had kept her awake a lot during the night.  

Anyway after Anna left I made the fatal mistake of taking a sip of cold water.  That immediately set off terrible spread of pins and needles in my arm where the canula was.  Ooohh... it was painful.  My poor little arm is so thin and does not offer much protection.  Minnie my nurse wrapped it in a heated cover which helped.  I then fell asleep for a bit and woke up feeling not so good.  The last time I had chemo we discovered that my body is not any good at allowing medication into my system too fast - or even at a normal rate - it has to be really much slower.  Although they had slowed it down, I think because I am now so much less fitter than I was last time, it was not slow enough.  I felt miserable, nauseous, yuk.  The bag had finished by then, so all that was left was to do the flush.  Next time we will slow it down more. Anna arrived with Tano and they took me home. 

Sharon and Derek were still at the house.  What a wonderful job they have done in the garden.  Derek has worked like a trojan.  It is actually their birthday present to Ian and what a good idea too!  All the vegetable plots have been dug over and composted. The area around the raspberries has been totally cleared of weeds and we can now actually see 6 rhubard plants.  All sweetpea canes removed and cleaned up.  Needless to say the second compost heap is now as high as a skyscraper - but will settle soon.

I did not sleep well last night and was up at about 3am and have been pottering around since.  My left arm still very delicate.  Another effect of the chemo is that I cannot eat or drink anything cold.  So general re-think of diet and drinks.  Also it will affect my hands and if touch anything cold.

Lots of visitors

Oh my goodness!  Yesterday we had so many visitors - it was amazing.  First of all the Specialist Care Nurse from Farleigh Hospie came at 9am to speak to me about the services that the hospice have to offer.  She came with a junior doctor on work placement at the hospice and they were here for about an hour and half.  Her name is Sharon and she has been assigned to my case.  The most incridible thing was that she was able to go through all my medications, explaining everything, make changes etc.  She then phoned my GP surgery and updated my prescription and asked them if they would delivery it to my house that evening.  This is so wonderful because it means I don't have to get up to the surgery, wait in a queue and collect the prescription myself.   She has increased the background painkiller Oxycodyne from 20mg to 30mg twice a day and added some other medications as well.  So I am very pleased about that.

Derek (Ian's brother) and his wife Sharon arrived at about 9.30am to help with the garden.  Such a pity that the weather was cold and wet.  But Derek has dug and weeded the vegetable plots and Sharon has started on weeding the flower borders.  Peter from next door came round to help with removing the overgrown weed from the pond - so at least the fish can now breathe!  After lunch the rain was becoming a bit relentless, so we sat round the table eating and drinking coffee etc. 

Then another surprise visitor.  Danny came with the most wonderful hamper of food for me from that posh store in Marks Tey.  He had read the blog so had bought some of the food on my "what I can eat" list.  What a man!  I am full of admiration for him.  I've never had quail eggs before - so that was a first!  Thank you very much Danny.  He also said he might be able to help us with clearing some of the rubbish from the garage next week too - which will be great.  So many offers of help - its wonderful.

Then next to arrive was Lindy and Mum.  They had been to Margery's funeral in Stansted Abbotts.  Mum said it was great to see her cousins and members of the Atkins family she had not seen for a very long time.  Margery was in her nineties.  I have not seen my Mum for months and months as she has not been well with her sciatica and not being able to travel too far.  So we had a good catch up.  Lindy made some beef stock from the bones Ian had got from Holts.  It has been simmering on the stove all night.  It is wonderful stuff - so good for the gut.

Our last visitor (briefly) was Kath Adkins.  She had very kindly made us a shepherds pie and just dropped it round.  What a kind person she is. 

So today is D Day - off to Broomfield Hospital for my first session of chemo.  I am bracing myself for this and not particularly looking forward to it.  Ian will take me but will come back to the house because Derek and Sharon are here again today to work in the garden.  Hopefully they will be able to get a bit more done as the weather is supposed to be better.  Anna is going to come up and see me at lunch time.  Then she will come back at about 4pm to pick me up and bring me home.  She will have Zaffy with her then so will not stay in the chemo unit - just pick me up.

I will need to take supplies for today.  My lunch time pills, food to eat, a good book, suduko, maybe some music to listen to.  I might even get a bit of nap in! 

Its good to be able to write this blog and record everything and just reflet on things as well.  Thank you for reading it.  Do leave a comment if you want, or email me.